International House of Not-So-Much

I've been on several dates and met quite a few guys here in NY. And if you put all those guys side-by-side, it'd look like one big ol' Benetton ad. OR A Singles Mixer at the UN. OR Speed Dating with the Rainbow Coalition. And for today's generation: Brangelina's family. Yes, I have dated a veritable smorgasbord of nationalities, countries and backgrounds. Allow me to share a sampling from the group I will call my Foreign Affairs.

Representing Australia: "Will you marry me?" This proposal happened over the phone. I said yes. As you might imagine, I will never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever...

...ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever live that down amongst my friends. At the time it seemed very romantic. In hindsight... yeah, I'm done here.

Representing Jamaica: "I'm a filmmaker. I don't do movies. I make ART. What's YOUR motivation?" To get away from this situation as quickly as possible.

Representing Italy: "I am seemingly incapable of having a relationship with anyone who isn't certifiably insane... but that won't stop me from complaining about how all the women I meet are certifiably insane!"

Representing Puerto Rico: "What do you mean, you think I might be a serial killer?"

Representing New Zealand: "Thank you for my finding my cell phone in a cab and returning it to me. As compensation, I would like to take you out for a drink, discover you will NOT be having sex with me, and finish things off by never calling you again."

Representing... (Crap, I've already forgotten where he's from... Oh! That's right --) Holland: "I picked you up in a bar, I live in a hotel, I'm 8 feet tall, I have soft cocoa ringlets of hair, big brown eyes, dimples and a smile like nothing you've ever seen. Of course I'm an assh*le."

Representing England: "I knew we had a date tonight, but I thought it'd be a great idea to fall asleep in the sun for several hours because I've been DYING to do an impression of a British Lobster in New York."

Representing Australia (again): "I know we're just sitting here on my couch watching TV and I have on boxers and a wife beater... but could you maybe dress a little sexier?"

Representing Denmark: "I'm in a band. And I have a fun accent." I'm not saying much more about him; we just met this past weekend.

As M will tell you, I'm sensitive. I care about people's feelings and even though I can be a ridiculously sarcastic, I'm never mean. Of the nine guys mentioned above, I'm in touch with six. So either they weren't *all* bad or I'm just as as off-kilter as they are.

Eh. Probably a little of both. Until they read this. Hey, fellas!

xoxo,
Venus