Gone fishin'

I've always wondered about that phrase "There's plenty of fish in the sea." Sure, it sounds positive...at first. But think about it. Yes, there are indeed plenty of fish in the sea. But there are large schools filled with hundreds of the same kind of fish that you just threw back. And then there are a lot that will eat you. And a lot more that are poisonous. Then there are the ones that are just plain creepy.

Which brings me to online dating. Fawesome segue, don't you think? Anyhow. Of course I am not saying that all guys (or girls) who are into online dating are creepy. I'm sure there are lots of wonderful people on these sites and they will go on wonderful dates and have wonderful weddings and pop out lots of wonderful spawn. But this isn't about them, because that would be boring.

So, yeah. A few weeks ago, Venus and I decided to sign up for a free dating site for kicks. She likes meeting new people. I...don't. But I was curious to see what kind of people sign up for these things. I had no intention of getting a date. Now, before anyone can say "OMG that's soooooooo mean that you would make these poor guys think they had a chance" I would like to share that A) in the "Looking For" section I selected Friends; and B) I put in my (very brief, not revealing in any way) profile that I was not looking for anything but "people who are mildly amusing to talk to". Unfortunately, as my ex said, guys are not very perceptive. So let's get to the fun, shall we?

As I mentioned, my profile was very brief. Very. As in, I put nothing about me as a person, my interests, my hobbies, my life's goals, whatever. I did, however, put my picture up. I figured if I was going to play the game, I was...going to to do it halfheartedly. No good profile = picture that's only half crappy.

For some reason, guys seemed to like my picture (my ex signed up about a week after we did, and I got a text that said "This place is Uggo Central. You and Venus are easily the most attractive women on here.") and felt the need to send me messages. I shall skip through the many, many ones that just said "Hi, how are you?" to get to the three most annoying ones.

First of all, you are absolutely beautiful, and you do not look 29 at all.

I would love to know more about you, or anything about you. Music, movies, hobbies. What it is you're looking for.

Really, wow.

This from a man who did not have a picture on his profile. Which is fine with me, I don't need to know what you look like in order to talk to you. But he DID have a whole paragraph about how he didn't put a picture up because everyone is judged on appearance and how it sickens him and he doesn't want to be judged like that. And yet he wrote to me solely based on my appearance. Without getting into details, I destroyed him.

Hey, we have a lot in common we are the same height... How long have you been on (insert name of free site here)?

...we have a lot in common...because we're the same height? Really? Forgive me for not marrying you immediately.

Hey cutie, my name's [idiot] (my IM isnt workin) I just wanted you to know that I think you look good, and after reading your profile and it looks like we have alot in common, if you're interested, I'd love to talk more. either way I hope to hear from you soon. I dont get online much though...hopefully you wont mind texting me sometime...my number's xxx-xxx-xxxx . (only my texting works right now though) Xo [idiot]

WE DO NOT HAVE A LOT IN COMMON! Or even if we do, you have NO IDEA because I put NOTHING ABOUT ME IN THE PROFILE.

I'm going to have to stop here for now. I've re-annoyed myself just with those. I need awhile to regroup. Venus, you're tagged in.


-M